I'm still in JB. I've decided to leave JB this morning but somehow for some reason my mom asked me to stay here another day. Oh well, might as well do that as there's nothing to do back there in KL anyway. Still having day off till Wednesday.
Since I arrived here for some reason, i've decided to stop puffing on Marlboro Lights and moved to hand rolling of my own tobacco instead. Currently im rolling Domingo tobaccos and it taste nice. A real tobacco taste compared to normal cigarette. Anyway, cigarette is a cigarette. No way it gonna do you any good instead of harm.
Was in Singapore on Saturday the whole day. Window shopping with Seu and Kang. They are 2 of my best friends that i've never met before. I've known them since last 2 years and we only chat online until last saturday. They are nice couple and brought me all around the island from one shopping complex to another. I'm not really a type of a guy who loves to walk around doing window shopping, i do shopping through Ebay and buy lots of my stuffs through there. Anyway, i appreciate their time and effort and it was nice to see all of the new buildings that already been brought to stand since i left the island.
Was having dinner with Halim last nite. As you all know, Halim is one of my best friend that I still keep in contact with. I've known him for almost 10 years!!! (for my standard, 10 years is long. I barely have friends for more than 3 years). He's a nice guy where i can catch some quality conversation with and our topic last nite was about marriage and work. He's looking forward to get married by this year and same with me(although im not looking forward anytime soon), he as well find difficulty looking for a girlfriend. He was mentioning that mentallity difference was the main problem. Same story with me. What we meant by mentallity difference is not that we are degrading girls by saying they are stupid or low in IQ. Nope.. not at all. What we meant by mentallity difference is that chemistry. Chemistry between 2 person. There's too many difference on how we see life that we totally sure that this relationship wont make it. It just waste of time. Another problem that were raised last night by me was that, I dont have much time. Not much time left to have a romantic relationship with anybody. I work 5 days a week from 8 to 5 (as what stated in my contract but IT / consultant work never stop at 5). It's a hard job with lots of pressure and depression (as for me, but i see that everybody else are relaxed. Probably how I manage my life). My friday night is always the the only time that I cool myself down and the main menu for the night is always alcohol and cigar. Saturday is the hangover fighting day and sunday is the day where i do most of my house core. Mopping, sweeping, washing..... all the stuffs. While talking regarding this matter, Halim asked me....
Halim: how often do u think about death?
Me: Uhm... when i have too much alcohol inside my body... then i started vomitting and i cant breath. That is the only time that I think about death.
Halim: You know, I had an accident bout 5 years ago in a highway and during that accident when my car skid, the time was moving very slowly and that was the time when i started thinking bout death and never stop thinking bout it till now. Life, is what you have at the moment. You work for it, you nurture it but what will you take with you after death?
Me: can't argue. Havent think about it before.
Halim: Do you know what you need? A new job and start thinking bout what will you take with you after death and before that, you need to go stupid. Quit from your current job and stay home doing nothing for a month and after that then you start looking for a new job.
Me: Fuck dude, I cant stay at home and do nothing. Even vacation, i can't stand vacation and doing unnecessary things that will result nothing. It will make me stupid.
Halim: Thats what you need. Be stupid. You need to come down, down below at least for a while and then your view will change and you will start enjoying life rather than chasing for something that you dont even know what it is.
Me: I'll see what can I do. Told my mom last friday night, i wanna quit from this job and move back to Brisbane but she's a bit reluctant to let me got his time. Not because of she's missing me as she'll be heading down to Ireland this June and live with my sis instead but because we just got a house down here in KL and lots of our furnitures and her books are inside the house. So, I need to stay here in KL and dunno till when.
Halim: Hahahahha no worries dude, then just stay here for a while and afterwards just head back to Australia. Have you got a job yet?
Me: Nah... looking for a job is not that hard, within a month or 2, should get one.
Then i head back home and it left me thinking. With my rolling tobaccos, smoke and I think. I dont think that I emotionally stable. But not on a level where I decided to commit suicide but just depression and stuffs around me. So far, I dont really like KL and thats explain why for my behaviour of every weekend drinking session that never stops for the last 2 months. *Sigh*
More, relationship is funny. I know a couple. She's a nice girl. Has a good mind and thinks well. Nice for somebody who likes quality conversation and good, friendly debate while her boyfriend is what we all guys called, A Frog. Dun mind much on how we relate back his visual appearance and a frog, but he has nothing inside his head. Nada. His conversation was annoying and he acts like one and then suddenly, he got on with her and I was like.... uhm... might be it makes her feels superior when she's having somebody with lower IQ with her and suprisingly they are happily together right now. I'm sorry if any of you reading this as you all know. Its ME!!!!!
I dunno.... what do u think?